Auld Lang Syne

I have been reminiscing on the past a lot lately and realized how much I have changed and how much older I am getting. It is going way to fast and many times I want it to stop. Since change and time are inevitable, what I will do is just be okay with the changes taking place, learn from experiences and mistakes... and keep looking up. there are always changes happening, what else can you do but just roll with it and embrace it?

Change is not easy for most people, and certainly isn't easy for me... but at the same time it always brings on something wonderful and exciting. new opportunities stem from one direction you choose, or from the other. so with this new change in my present situation, I am graciously accepting it.... because what else can i do? I could... be negative and be angry and make myself miserable by doing so, and probably not get any better over these next few months. but doesn't that defeat the purpose? it most certainly does.

So here I am, okay with this change of being in the cold for a semester rather than the glorious sun of hawaii. as much as hawaii is my shelter and my vice, life doesn't always go as expected.... and that is the fun of it. I did have a choice... and I am choosing what in my heart, i know is best for my health. completely stress free, one online class, rest rest and more rest. strict food plan, physical trainer to get my strength back, some art classes NOT for a grade, and spending time with my family and lovely friends. rest. rest. and more rest.

I know this will be good. It wont be easy, but it will be more beneficial than trying to do this on my own. And in the end I think I can beat this disease if I just surrender, accept and focus on just me for a little while. If in a few months I can get ahead with my health, its all worth it. then i can just move on with my life and keep moving forward instead of a constant struggle and fear. I feel an end in site and I cannot wait. This optimism is something I've felt I had to fake it to not let myself sink into negativity. But today, today it feels so real and deep into my core that I can't help but smile. Cheers to a new year, new health and getting the old me back!

dear brain...

Dear Brain,
I just want to say thank you for sticking with me these past few weeks as I tried to work on papers, finish color theory, come up with an amazing concept for ceramics and memorize things in french. it has been a rough and very tiresome week. i also want to thank coffee for picking you up when you wanted to fall to the floor. Body, no offense but you weren't a very big help in this process, you just kinda were dragging along while brain worked itself to death. but its over for a few days, you can rest, until sunday when you have to study french again. but until then, be blank and body... u gotta pick it up a little bit around here... ur gettin kindaaa lame. no offense.
sincerely,
Nicole