Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Warm Fuzzies

I am so blessed to have the friends that I do. I have overwhelmingly received within the past 2 days loving messages from many wishing me good health and lots of love. makes me all tingly and warm inside :) Even though out here (minus my ever so awesome roomies) , there aren't as many to lean on but I know back home and all over the place like Colorado, Wisconsin, New York I have true soul mates who are always and will always be there for me. My dearest friends I love you all so much. And you do not know how much your reaching out to me right now has meant. Sending light and love your way.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Rocktober

less than a week until Halloween. I looove dressing up for Halloween. When I was a kid it was all about getting as much candy as you could and then conning my brother to trade his candy with mine so I had all of my favorites. I'd line them all up and group them all together, 2 Almond Joys (Ill give those to mom), 5 Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, Really what I always wanted were skittles and starburst. I never was a big chocolate fan.



Now since I am "too old" to go trick or treating, I look forward to dressing up and showing it off. I love it because for a night you get to embody someone.. or something else. Last years costume I was Tom Cruise from Risky Business and walked all over Waikiki bustin moves left and right. This year... I'm still not telling but I get to wear a wig, and be someone completely different from me. Happy Halloweeeenn!

Friday, October 22, 2010

back to life

coming around to being a full person again.



i dont know if i can stay here the rest of the year. this is so hard a decision to make. but to have my mother who is amazing enough to fly out here when i am so sick i can't make myself something to eat for a week and a half... is unfair. i dont know if i can heal with the stress of trying to keep up good grades in school, work and just try to be healthy is a lot to handle and just overall stressful. some days i want to lay on the couch and do nothing. recently its all i could do. i had a thunderclap migraine... which messed with my speech for a few days... so i ended up in the ER.. where the love of my life and my main foundation stayed with me for 10 hours.

they ran tests for an aneurism, ending with a spinal tap. ew.

it felt so odd, a foreign object digging in my spine, pulling fluids from it. " now you might experience a headache tomorrow, this is normal" thats all i got from the doctor and they booted me out the door, validated my ticket and thats that.

next day... worst headache i could possibly experience. it felt like my head was going to explode when i sat up , and id get the sweats if i tried to stand up to get water. okay, no school today, just rest. again.

next day, even worse. okay sleep.

a whole week of this, unable to sit up for even 5 minutes. how am i going to function? thats when mother came to the rescue.



i dont know what i'd do without my family and justin. they are truly my rock and everything that keeps me sane and keep me going. im slowly coming back to life thanks to their nurturing. just in time for halloween! i know what i'm going to be... but shh its a surprise! i dont think anyone will even know who i am... but thats almost more fun :)

Thursday, October 7, 2010

pumpkin spice

feeling somewhat nostalgic.
it should definitely feel like fall... it is the month of october, yet its still hot as ever the only difference is a little nice breeze and more clouds. i guess in hawaii that is fall. a little minute shift in the daily weather. that must be why the days blurr together here.

back in ilinois the leaves are changing color; crimson red, ochre yellow, burnt sienna, not much green just all earth tones. thats when you know its fall. you feel the crisp air tingle your lungs as you inhale, you can walk outside in a sweater and jeans and be completely comfortable, not too hot, and not cold. just right. fall has always been my favorite. the sun peaking through the clouds and the leaves all around changing colors and dancing through the wind. theres always the smell of bonfire in the air and somehow always a hint of spice. or maybe its that whenver you walk into a store theres already cinnamon pinecones out getting ready for thanksgiving and christmas. yes, fall wraps up christmas and halloween all into one. why is it that we anticipate christmas before its even thanksgiving. i walked into a store the other day and there were christmas decorations already out for sale, wrapping paper, trees, lights. its madness i tell you, right across from the halloween costumes. what?

personally, i think we should just enjoy the fall weather and not think about the cold winter until its snowing on us. or in hawaii weather, not think about all the dreary rainy weather we're going to have until it knocks over my lamp again.

Friday, October 1, 2010

hm

With all your heart, ask for grace, let go
Watch the beat of day pass into the cool night. Let go

"Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation."