7th dimensions and white lights

whoaaaaa freaky. i went and got some angel healing last night, somewhat like Reiki but a little bit more powerful... or maybe A LOT. It took me into a deeper state of relaxation than I ever thought possible. It was an out of body experience to say the least. As I went into total meditation mode opening up all my chakras and my heart to healing (as instructed) I was imagining myself being taken up to the 7th dimension, where the powerful healing takes place, allowing all and any healing necessary to be held. INTENSE. It actually felt like my body was levitating and being taken to this space that I have never been to. I felt I was being guided there by my angels (energy/spirits/ souls) to a heightened state of being. At one point I felt I wanted to jump up and run out..but something told me to stay calm and stay in the moment, don't over-think it. Then there was no thinking, just pure energy.

This is something I'd never believed I'd try, I didn't even know it existed really yet here I am trying out all of these different methods of energy healing. It's a hard thing to try and explain but you feel lighter, newer and more aware. A little more clarevoyant as well, it becomes easier to listen to that inner voice. THe hardest part is not letting that part go, and keeping that openness you feel after. It's almost like a mental cleaning. Today I felt awful, a total lyme day. That is because so much is moving around and dying off and the effects, are pain. But instead of feeling sorry for myself and dwelling on the extreme fatigue and pain and twitching going on, I just smile and receive the healing taking place because I know that is what is happening. I smile and say thank you, and recieve it with open arms. Let his healing continue. This disease has taught me to feel angry and bitter but it has also allowed me to look at t and see it as a good thing, it forces me to listen to my body which is something most people rarely do. I COULD push through and keep going, ignore the pain, run myself to the ground, drink , party... but the second I stopped I would be afraid I'd collapse. I'm much happier knowing when to say when and not regretting it when I wake up the next day feeling better than the one before.

you're the boss applesauce

Halloween was so fun! even thought i did not celebrate on the night of halloween.. it was the night before. but it was enough for the whole weekend cause it has wiped me out. i am so tired now.. i was up wayy past my bedtime.
but it was so great to forget all about my troubles and be someone else for a night. I was Edie Sedgwick for the time being, dancing the night away in my own little world with a smile painted on my face. bouncing around without a care in the world. it felt so good.

Warm Fuzzies

I am so blessed to have the friends that I do. I have overwhelmingly received within the past 2 days loving messages from many wishing me good health and lots of love. makes me all tingly and warm inside :) Even though out here (minus my ever so awesome roomies) , there aren't as many to lean on but I know back home and all over the place like Colorado, Wisconsin, New York I have true soul mates who are always and will always be there for me. My dearest friends I love you all so much. And you do not know how much your reaching out to me right now has meant. Sending light and love your way.

Rocktober

less than a week until Halloween. I looove dressing up for Halloween. When I was a kid it was all about getting as much candy as you could and then conning my brother to trade his candy with mine so I had all of my favorites. I'd line them all up and group them all together, 2 Almond Joys (Ill give those to mom), 5 Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, Really what I always wanted were skittles and starburst. I never was a big chocolate fan.



Now since I am "too old" to go trick or treating, I look forward to dressing up and showing it off. I love it because for a night you get to embody someone.. or something else. Last years costume I was Tom Cruise from Risky Business and walked all over Waikiki bustin moves left and right. This year... I'm still not telling but I get to wear a wig, and be someone completely different from me. Happy Halloweeeenn!

back to life

coming around to being a full person again.



i dont know if i can stay here the rest of the year. this is so hard a decision to make. but to have my mother who is amazing enough to fly out here when i am so sick i can't make myself something to eat for a week and a half... is unfair. i dont know if i can heal with the stress of trying to keep up good grades in school, work and just try to be healthy is a lot to handle and just overall stressful. some days i want to lay on the couch and do nothing. recently its all i could do. i had a thunderclap migraine... which messed with my speech for a few days... so i ended up in the ER.. where the love of my life and my main foundation stayed with me for 10 hours.

they ran tests for an aneurism, ending with a spinal tap. ew.

it felt so odd, a foreign object digging in my spine, pulling fluids from it. " now you might experience a headache tomorrow, this is normal" thats all i got from the doctor and they booted me out the door, validated my ticket and thats that.

next day... worst headache i could possibly experience. it felt like my head was going to explode when i sat up , and id get the sweats if i tried to stand up to get water. okay, no school today, just rest. again.

next day, even worse. okay sleep.

a whole week of this, unable to sit up for even 5 minutes. how am i going to function? thats when mother came to the rescue.



i dont know what i'd do without my family and justin. they are truly my rock and everything that keeps me sane and keep me going. im slowly coming back to life thanks to their nurturing. just in time for halloween! i know what i'm going to be... but shh its a surprise! i dont think anyone will even know who i am... but thats almost more fun :)

pumpkin spice

feeling somewhat nostalgic.
it should definitely feel like fall... it is the month of october, yet its still hot as ever the only difference is a little nice breeze and more clouds. i guess in hawaii that is fall. a little minute shift in the daily weather. that must be why the days blurr together here.

back in ilinois the leaves are changing color; crimson red, ochre yellow, burnt sienna, not much green just all earth tones. thats when you know its fall. you feel the crisp air tingle your lungs as you inhale, you can walk outside in a sweater and jeans and be completely comfortable, not too hot, and not cold. just right. fall has always been my favorite. the sun peaking through the clouds and the leaves all around changing colors and dancing through the wind. theres always the smell of bonfire in the air and somehow always a hint of spice. or maybe its that whenver you walk into a store theres already cinnamon pinecones out getting ready for thanksgiving and christmas. yes, fall wraps up christmas and halloween all into one. why is it that we anticipate christmas before its even thanksgiving. i walked into a store the other day and there were christmas decorations already out for sale, wrapping paper, trees, lights. its madness i tell you, right across from the halloween costumes. what?

personally, i think we should just enjoy the fall weather and not think about the cold winter until its snowing on us. or in hawaii weather, not think about all the dreary rainy weather we're going to have until it knocks over my lamp again.

hm

With all your heart, ask for grace, let go
Watch the beat of day pass into the cool night. Let go

"Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation."