I don't think surfing has ever really made me so sad while I was out in the water. I have never felt so weak, it amazes me to see how fast my muscles seem to have deteriorated and how my energy level has REALLY gone down. After catching one lil wave and standing up very shaky and wobbly as if it were my first time again I could not muster up the strength and energy to get to the outside. So i gave in,sat on the inside by myself and while watching the orange sherbert sunset I'll admit that I teared up a little bit. I didn't realize that I actually was slipping away to this disease. The things I want to do and love to do, I cannot physically do them. Not yet anyway. I don't know what's worse, being landlocked and not surfing ever... or being near the ocean, with waves and not being able to surf. It's frustrating beyond words.
But then after I got out and rinsed off the salt from my hair, I felt calmer, and okay with it. As i teared up in the water in a way I felt I gave some of my troubles to the ocean and left them there. The ocean really is a healing place, and that answers it. I'd rather have the ocean rather than not have it around.
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