This may be somewhat of a random ramble.. but bear with me. Usually I don't put much more on here than, thoughts, things I'm up to, updates on my health and life.. nothing extremely personal. But lately my mind has been on a role and putting it in my journal somehow doesn't feel right, and telling just one person doesn't either. So here goes. I am single. Yes, and it is hitting me.. hard right now. Relationships work, or they don't.. and thats that. I heard a quote somewhere, "sometimes you love and its not enough, and thats okay." It really is what relationships are about, not just dating but love between friends, strangers, passions... all of the above.. how can it not be? God made us, and everything around us with all the love he had, so love is everywhere. Maybe, too abstract but really love is in so many dynamics and when you are dating someone seriously, you have that person to trust, catch you and give almost all of your love to. Because in a way I think that is what we are programmed to do.. i mean really. when you start dating and you are in that honeymoon phase, all you want is to show that person how much you care, how much you want to be with them.. and then that usually turns to pure love.. it either continues forever.. or it just simply doesn't work out. You loved, you grew, you learned and you move on with life.
So where is this going? Hang in there.. I think I'm getting close.
But what do you do, when the sadness of losing a best friend and a lover resides. There is still that love inside waiting to give to another person..love is in a way endless to me. For me I'm learning that it doesn't have to be given to just one person. Right now I am kind of driving myself nuts because there is so much love bottled inside that I really want to just share it with everyone. It's kind of embarrassing so I hold back... but other times I can't contain myself and I just want to reach out and love love love. Because I love myself, I've learned to love myself, and I've loved others and I will continue to love others. But what I mean is more so that I want to just SPREAD love... and sometimes sure that spreading of love gets kind of confused with a different kind of love, from my perspective probably, but also theirs. I don't know I feel this burst of energy inside that is going to explode if I can't let it out on people here and there, and give some light to them. Its uncomfortable to some I'm sure, hell its uncomforable to me even. ha but im sorry I can't help myself. Love is all you need, and love is all i want to give and recieve. I'm not trying to sound all hippie here when I mean spread the love... but its that feeling inside when you just feel so much love, and if you don't have that special someone in your life to just give loads of it to, you hafta find ways to release it wherever the opportunity comes.
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